"I know you can be overwhelmed, and you can be underwhelmed, but can you ever just be whelmed?"
There might not be hundreds of views, likes, or comments, but when even ONE person contacts you and says that you've inspired them to take their lives into their own hands and make a change for the better, then you can consider every word typed worth it; it was always worth it just because of the release that I was getting.
In the last three weeks, three friends have come forward telling me that they read my blog and find it inspiring, and every progress picture that I post has been met with, what I consider overwhelming support. So, here I sit, very thankful.
About 6 months ago, I posted about a hateful person that told me no one reads my blog and that no one cared about my weight loss, which I knew to be false and a projection of her insecurities onto me. I cautioned my readership to take comments like that with a grain of salt, and I pressed on.
Last week, my computer, which I've had for almost 8 years (and earned the money to buy,) almost died and my grandmother offered to let me borrow hers. While it didn't work out for me to borrow her computer, my mother stepped in and replaced my machine for me today. I am beyond thankful. Next semester, God-willing, I'll be a graduate student, and not having a computer is a pretty serious handicap. Even with libraries on campus and nearby, it would have been difficult. I had started turning in assignments from my iPad and updating this blog in the same way. Now, I'll have a MacBook Pro which will sync with my phone and iPad allowing me to really commit myself to school, to this blog, and my YouTube channel. My YouTube channel is multi-purpose because I intend to do makeup tutorials, sewing lessons, and now, I'll do fitness videos commencing with a very special video of my weight gain/loss/present. I can't even begin to say how much it means to be on the receiving end of such a large gift of generosity from my mother.
Makeup: a hobby that began to earn me income.
Sewing: an heirloom hobby/talent that had been shared with me through three generations of women in my family. I really became dedicated to my machine when I gained so much wright that it would be easier to make my own clothing rather than to buy it, but resizing commercial patterns was even more of a headache. Now, that I have lost weight, I want to take personal satisfaction in making garments for my new body.
Fitness: REQUIRED after surgery. With 100+ pound weight loss, you know you will have some remnants of the person that you used to be. If you incorporate fitness, you can build muscle where fat used to be. Speaking for myself, I could definitely use increased muscle in my arms (I have virtually no upper body strength,) and I'm working to rebuild muscle in my thighs and calves (because I consider my legs my greatest feature.) I'm building my glutes (because I have no behind at all,) and strengthening my abdominals (because I deserve to have the washboard stomach I've always coveted.)
I don't consider myself a makeup guru, merely an enthusiast. I'm not an expert seamstress, or a designer, and I'm not a fitness guru, but I am committed to earning the body that I want and I encourage those of you that read this to do the same. Find your passion and live it.
At some point this week, I'll be driving to Memphis to pose nude for a friend who is an art student and asked for a brave soul willing to sit for her. As a feminist, I believe in embracing the beauty of the body: male or female, so I jumped at it. I would have been willing to do so when I was larger and I'm eager to do it now that I'm "small." I LOVE MYSELF. I love my body. I have never felt more alive, and, don't you want that feeling? I know that I want that for you.
I fully intend to post these pictures when I sit for them so that my post-surgery body can be visible. I remember searching before and after pictures before the surgery and couldn't find very many women of color to get an idea of what I could look like afterwards. This is for you.