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Pack and Track

I am starting to get very excited about all of the changes that have been made in my life since finding out I was bringing this child into the world.

It wasn’t that long ago that my outlook on life was not very favorable and I lacked the motivation to really make any changes because I was very complacent. Lo, she would change everything in a very short period of time. I’ve known since four weeks along that she was coming and for me it has felt like I’ve been pregnant forever, but nine months really does go by fast.

I have gotten closer to some family members from whom I’ve been estranged for years, and I have completely cut ties with others and it has been a revelatory process, but lonely. I have initiated therapy in order to work on some truly painful events in my past and present, I have had to fight against people that one would assume would have your best interests at heart and I have had to work to come out of that stronger for my child. Nobody matters in this world to me as much as my daughter does, and because that is the case, there is nothing anyone can do or say to me that is going to rattle me to the point where I stop thinking of my child first. Truly, The universe was working major magic in my life by giving me this child because, now, there is no stopping me. And it’s all for her.

The coming weeks are bringing with it a lot. I am in the middle of a move and I am packing, cleaning, all of the things that the typical procrastinator in me would have tried so hard to put off until the last minute. While there was a certain degree of procrastination, I blame pregnancy for it because I have been waking up in the morning, going to work, coming home, packing, taking things to a storage unit, coming back home, trying to find something to eat, and by the time I finished with all of that… I am exhausted. It is not easy to do all of it by yourself while pregnant, but that’s my life. I have no family here. My coworkers even scolded me today because I have been lifting things, but I don’t have a choice. You do what you have to do when there are no other options available to you.

I’m stressed, but I’m not complaining. It’s a good stress, it’s a motivating stress. There’s so much to going on around here and every time I turn around. BUT...I’m blessed. One day, under a pseudonym, I’ll write about how I was able to fund this nursery without using my own money...or that of my friends and family. It’s a great story. Close friends and family know about it, but I want my Pulitzer.

Anywho. A car seat plane bag came today that I don’t immediately need anymore because I canceled my flight this morning so that I could drive...sigh. (That’s actually a huge relief! I even got refunded the fare instead of travel credit!) My baby swing came today. Lord, I hope she likes it because I did actually subsidize that so she could have a swing that moves the way mommy moves (I dance with her in there and I rub where I assume her butt is.) I keep track of her movements every day, I’m terrified of C Section, and I’m sick of changing my plans.


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