Testing 1, 2, 3.

GASTRIC. BYPASS.

There wasn't always a manual. Now, they hand you a pretty detailed little booklet of what you can expect when you're recovering. There's a cute little meal plan inside, there are little diagrams of how big your stomach is supposed to be and how much you should stretch it over time...

You know what there is no manual for? Pregnancy after bypass. You're strongly advised not to get pregnant within a year of the surgery for several reasons, but for me, the main reason was that I didn't want my progress derailed and I deserved to enjoy my body looking exactly the way that I wanted when I worked hard for it. I have said before, the surgery was a tool. I still hit the gym like a crazy person. Those days are over now, replaced with days on the couch, passed out or otherwise asleep as I grow a human being. I have no regrets.

Okay, maybe ONE.

I REGRET NOT JUST DRINKING THE DAMN GLUCOLA!

I had my reasons, I talked about them, and I held firm on it just as I will about every other thing that goes against what I know to be best for my body. While I understand that the glucose tolerance test is important, it would've caused dumping syndrome, and that's one of the shittiest feelings that one can go through after bypass; I mean it. As I work to firm up my birth plan and other plans (moving, travel, nursery design, maternity photos, daycare, new job,) I don't have time to be getting sick. So that meant that I had to start testing my blood sugar just as often as a diabetic for the next month for them to assess whether or not I have gestational diabetes...I don't.

The constant sugar checking is a burden though, and my heart genuinely goes out to people who live with diabetes. Pricking my fingers isn't fun, so I've started using the lancet on my bicep. It bleeds less and gives me precisely one decent drop of blood per stick, all I need to get a reading. Sheesh!

In the time of COVID, all I can do is read articles and worry. I read articles and reflect. I read articles and then try to control the situation. There might be some vaccinations and things that I missed, but I fired off a quick message to ask about it. I went an entire trimester without prenatal care, I cannot let myself fall victim to the disproportionate standard of care Black Women receive. My thing is, I don’t feel like I have overlooked something, but this is my first and only baby...I don’t know what I don’t know. I need to read up more.

I’m now reminded... I need to add NO STUDENTS in my birth plan. You’re not going to be learning and cutting your teeth on me.