So Close, and Yet, So Far

I don’t even know the date of my last post without looking, but I know my timeline has been thrown off somewhat. I do have good news however. On Friday, I was told by the therapist that the sent over my psychiatric evaluation to the surgeon. So I called the surgeon yesterday. That should round out everything that they needed in order to submit to the insurance company for authorization. I missed the nurse’s call when she called me back, (damn silent phone,) but I did take notes from the message that she left me. She basically said that she was behind on records, that she remembers seeing some with my name on them, that within a couple of days she would know more, and that if she has everything that she needs, which I know that she does because I have been keeping track, she would submit to the insurance company. So... that’s that.

Now, from a prior conversation, I was told that authorization could take up to two weeks, that puts the date of possible consultation around, October 16th, if I chose a surgery date around the first or second week in November, I could be on track to lose the weight that I need to lose by the pageant. If not, I think that I’m going to withdraw from competing, even though I love wearing evening gowns and this could result in a crown.

I’m still dreading the thought of a liquid diet; I’m serious, and I’m dreading it. I think that I’m afraid to be hungry, afraid of bland things, of growing tired of liquids for two solid weeks. I know that it cuts down on complications, like stool seeping into your open body cavity, but I really am worried about my stick-to-itiveness. On the bright side, two weeks of nothing but liquids has been proven to kick start the weight loss process because your body doesn’t know WTF is going on. Can you blame it? I’m conscious and cognizant and I don’t know WTF is going on.

So, here’s what’s going on with me though. I am tired all of the time. I don’t know if that is my weight or my bipolar disorder or even a nasty combination of the two, but I have taken to sleeping in the back seat of my car during lunch in order to maintain normal functioning. It’s the zing that I need to power me through the second half of my day. On Mondays and Wednesdays, I need an extra push in order to make myself go to my statistics class, so I sleep in my car after work as well. By now, the few pounds that I had lost over the last 6 months are now gone and so I am now +1. I refuse to view that negatively, however, I could have gained so much more in 6 months.