Pea in a Pod

I’m tired all of the time, but still trying to will myself awake. I’ve been trying to read as much as I can about pregnancy, but it’s making me more anxious. I have so much going on that I honestly can’t keep my emotion together about it all. I keep pushing. High blood pressure is the silent killer so I have to try and remain as calm as possible no matter the irritating stimuli...but that has people taking liberties where they should be treading lightly.

Each week, the baby doubles in size. Last week it was an appleseed, this week, it’s a snow pea. My students are excited and it’s starting to rub off on me. My relationship with my mother hasn’t improved. We were fine for about 48 hours and then an argument with my former best friend—who popped up into my email because she’s blocked from everything else—set my mom off on a tangent and we were screwed again. It’s probably the hormones, but I’m not in the mood for anyone’s bullshit. I simply won’t tolerate it.

• Oh you think you’re going to stress me out? Nope.

• You think you’re going to talk shit to me and then think you can come back into my life? GTFOH.

• You think you’re going to speak death on me and be part of my life going forward? GTFOH.

I can’t deal with it. WON’T.

I’m so thankful for my friends. I’ve responded to so many people that most of the negativity has been buried underneath messages of support, love, and light and it’s important to remember that it’s more important to consider and count the people who DO love you, than to worry about those who don’t. I look at my relationships like concentric circles.

The closest level is intimate. Thats the deepest level of understanding of me there can be and you’d think that longevity of relationship would be an indicator, but it isn’t. A lot of damage can be done over long periods of time. Think of it like a thick rubber band, stretch it over a long distance and it’s just as fragile—if not moreso—than a thin rubber band.