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Officially I’m on day 11 and 16 hours 4 minutes and 30 seconds of my liquid diet with 2 days, 13 hours, 25 minutes, and 5 seconds

This took planning, acceptance, resolve, and strength of purpose in order to make it this far. It hasn’t been bad, not since day 1 with all of the nasty smoothies I tried out. Wait, I take that back… on Day 9 I was ready to maul someone for some food. Seriously, I was really angry and I contemplated canceling surgery because I realized that it would be another 2 months before I really had food in my mouth again and even then, I wouldn’t be able to eat as much…but that’s the point, isn’t it?

I am wrestling with a few things like, the fact that I might experience hair loss…actually, that thought really pisses me off. I have heard people say, “I’d do it again,” and “What’s a little hair loss compared to weight loss?” I almost want to stop them and tell them to shut up. I’m also really over people and their opinions because it’s not really about them. In fact, IT’S NOT ABOUT THEM AT ALL. I am ready for the surgery to be over and done with at this point because I want to throw myself whole-heartedly into losing the weight as fast as I can. It’s about me, about being the person I want to be, about making my outsides match my insides. I don’t want to be afraid to take pictures, afraid to go out without makeup because, if I can’t be thin, I can at least be stunning and gorgeous (others’ words, not mine.)

Perhaps I am feeling the majority of these emotions because I am so close to the promised land. I have waited for this since last March and I’m almost there. I just have to make it through the weekend. Weekends tend to fly by for me because I spend them sleeping to make up for lack of sleep during the week. Tonight, I have to start bathing with the soap that the hospital provided to me. It’s anti-bacterial and I have to bathe with it each day during the three days preceding surgery to cut down the risk of infection afterwards. I was told that I shouldn’t have anything on my skin the morning of surgery, including makeup, but I am going to be willfully disobedient and here’s why: I am morbidly obese (scientifically,) I’ll be naked on the table as the surgeon and his team work through my abdomen and I’ll be vulnerable, I could even die! Therefore, I choose to look my best so that no matter the outcome, positive or negative, I was beautiful. It’s something similar to the reasoning behind “Why I Wore Lipstick to My Mastectomy.” Only confident women wear red lipstick, and I’ll be wearing RiRi Woo by MAC , which is smudge averse. I’m going to come out of surgery with smudged lipstick, I’m sure, but as long as I went under flawless, I’m fine with that. I’m packing a bag similar to what I might back if I were going to deliver a baby.

Hospital Packing List

· Camera or Video Recorder

o For my before and after photos. After all, I have to keep the blog updated.

· Cell Phone and Charger

o For updating friends and family.

· Hair Care Products

o Clips and barrettes—and a brush and comb.

· Homecoming Outfit for You

o A clean, loose-fitting outfit will best suit your belly and make your trip home as comfortable as possible.

· Important Documents

o Bring a picture ID, health insurance information, and hospital registration forms. Even if you've already registered at the hospital, some hospitals need to confirm your records before they can admit you.

· Music, Movies, and Magazines

o A personal iPad, iPod, and a good book can help distract you from pain.

· Sleepwear, Robe and Underwear

o A cotton nightie will be much more comfortable than a hospital gown. A robe will be handy for when you have to take walks.

· Slippers and/or Heavy Socks

o Keep your toes toasty and clean, whether you're in bed or strolling around on the cold tile floor. Bring a pair that's easily laundered, as they may get a bit dirty.

· Soft Pillow

o The pillows in the hospitals may be uncomfortable, and bringing one you're familiar with may help you to relax. Don't forget one for your partner, too, especially if he's planning on spending the night.

· Toiletries

o Makeup, deodorant, body wash, shampoo, face wash, lip balm, sanitary pads, and moisturizer are necessities.

· Toothbrush and Toothpaste

o Bring some for you and your mate.

· White-Noise Machine

o Run a white-noise machine in your room to drown out all the jarring sounds of the hospital, so you can get some much-needed rest.

I’m ready… I’m ready… I’m ready!


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