It's like a game of minesweeper...
I have reached a point with my weight loss where progress is stagnant. So I’m going to talk about it because this is where I fully acknowledge all of the mistakes I have and am making. I really and truly have not been following a low-calorie diet and that has played a major role in why I have not lost as much weight as one would hope. True enough, I am definitely eating less calories than I ever did before because I have no choice but to eat less food, I have not shied away from higher calorie options. At the end of the day, I have not held myself accountable nor has anyone else held me accountable for the dietary choices that I have made and continue to make.
No one in their right mind will tell you that this is easy. You are changing everything about how you do everything else. You’re changing how you eat; your relationship with food; your personal relationships with others (yes, they will change;) how you see yourself; how you deal with the way others see, treat, and respect you; you’re changing a lot. Yesterday, I had an appointment with my therapist, whom I look forward to seeing, and shared with her the block I’m having that prevents me from exercising in the way that I should. Because I graduated with a degree in Psychology and it is my life, I had already spent some time thinking about why it was that I could know exactly what to do in order to improve my life, and yet, resist doing it. I settled on this by way of explanation: If I exercised and accelerated my weight loss, thus giving me the body that I want, that I really do want… then what? I’ve changed myself on the outside, but not the inside. I would then have no excuse for not addressing some of the inner turmoil that I have going on. So I’ve assessed that the mental block that I have put up for doing the necessary exercise, is due to a deep-seated fear of dealing with issues that have taken years to accumulate.
That said, I cannot let fear stop me anymore. My life is about to change in much larger ways, so whether I like it or not, I have to address everything that is holding me back. I feel now, that of all of the things that have to and will change, I can control weight. Weeks ago, my therapist suggested that I read a book called How We Love in order to address some of the things I have been reluctant to deal with. I actually bought that book and, like exercise, have neglected to even crack the binding. All of that stops today.
It was suggested that I take the accompanying quiz, so I did and this was my result: http://www.howwelove.com/love-style-quiz/love-style-quiz-results/?ls=003004010007008. I am more of a Vacillator (71%) than anything else and a Victim second (57%.) I’m definitely scared to address any of it, but not as afraid as I am of not fixing it.